Podcast Episode 9 - Pregnant in Aberdeen

Episode 9

How to Stay Calm When Everyone Has an Opinion About Your Birth

In this episode I’m sharing how to stay calm when everyone has an opinion about your birth, including what compels people to comment, setting boundaries, finding that calm again and a reminder that this is your birth, no one else’s. If you’re currently putting up with this let me assure you I do understand and I’ve been there!

Episode Transcript

(Music)

You’re listening to the pregnant in Aberdeen post cast, a podcast for those expecting in the north east of Scotland. I’m your host, Jade Gordon, clinical hypnotherapist, hypnobirthing teacher and doula. My aim here is to bring you local information, birth stories and techniques for birth and beyond.

So welcome to this mindset-focused episode on boundaries, confidence, and trusting your instincts, especially when people around you have a lot to say, and as we know, people have a lot to say.

this is something that so many people tell me they’re struggling with during pregnancy:

“How do I stay calm when everyone has something to say about my birth?”

From well-meaning advice to horror stories, to subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure from family members — you might be finding that as soon as you start talking about your birth preferences, everyone has an opinion.

I remember it well, there was a woman who worked on the till at our local ASDA that every time I went through that checkout I’d have to hear about her birth story and all the bit she found challenging. I swear her birth got even longer by the time she was telling it during my second pregnancy. I used to dread going to that queue and avoided it where possible, thankfully now they have self-checkout – an unexpected benefit of those!

So today’s I want to share a about boundaries, mindset, and building that inner confidence that helps you go, “Actually… this is my birth. And I’m allowed to do things my way.”

Let’s get into it.

Why People Feel the Need to Comment (and Why It’s Not Really About You)

First of all, if people around you are giving unsolicited advice or trying to talk you out of your plans — it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

Often, it means you’re doing something different. And that can feel uncomfortable for others.

Maybe your mum or gran only ever saw birth as something scary or clinical, and now you’re saying you want to feel calm and in control.

Maybe a friend had a tough experience, and without realising it, they’re projecting some of that onto you. Maybe they think it will help you prepare.

But here’s the thing: Their story is not your story. And their fears don’t have to become yours.

Most people aren’t trying to upset you, their intentions are good. But even when the intention is good, the impact can feel heavy — especially when you’re growing a whole new human and trying to stay positive and make decision that are right for you.

So let’s talk about some tools to protect your space.

How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Rude

You wouldn’t believe the number of times I heard that story in ASDA, I didn’t feel like I could stop it, and the more I bought the more details I would get. As if just having a baby bump was an open invitation to share every negative detail.

Let’s normalise saying things like:

“That’s not something I’m thinking about right now.”
“I’m focusing on feeling calm and positive about birth — I’d love to talk about this more after I’ve had my baby.”
“I know your experience was different, but I’m making choices that feel right for me and my baby.”

You don’t need to argue, justify, or go into the science of your decisions (unless you want to). A calm, firm boundary should be enough.

And if you need permission — this is it:

You’re allowed to protect your mindset. You’re allowed to ignore advice that doesn’t serve you. And you’re absolutely allowed to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

It can be easy to feel like we have to justify every decision we make. I remember people saying things like:

‘Well at least you’re not having one of those silly home births that seem to be coming back into fashion’ When I would have loved to have a home birth, but didn’t feel like I could say anything.

And then when I knew I was going to have an induction – well everyone wanted to know why, some people thought I should be doing it sooner, some people thought I should be avoiding it, and so on.

Having some phrases ready can help:

I’m making choices that feel right for me and my baby.
We’ve done our research and this is our choice

How do you create a Bubble of Calm — Even When People Are Loud

Now, boundaries are one thing. But we also need to build a strong inner foundation — that inner “I’ve got this” feeling.

Here’s how:

Surround yourself with positive birth stories — read them, listen to them, soak them in. Have a look at the birth story library at pregnantinaberdeen.com . I’m not talking about perfect birth stories here, real births that don’t always go to plan but where people feel empowered and supported.
Spend time visualising the birth you want, not the one others fear, this is important to have a more balanced picture in your mind. If you only hear about negative stories you can become fearful of birth, making it harder for you in labour.
Use affirmations like: “I trust my instincts.” “This is my body, my baby and my birth experience” “I release the need to please others.”

You can even create what I call a “Mindset Bubble” — a collection of things that keep you grounded. That might be a playlist, a podcast such as this one), a note on your mirror, or journaling.

And of course, if you’re doing a hypnobirthing course — those tracks and tools are so helpful here. They’re not just for labour. They’re for any time you need to come back to calm, our upcoming hypnobirthing dates are on the Pregnant in Aberdeen website at pregnantinaberdeen.com

In the moment if you’re not in a position to leave the situation, take time to focus on your breath. My favourite one for this situation is what I call the ‘relax more’ breath. Breath in for a count of 4 and out for more. This moves you away from that fight, flight, freeze response that can come with people talking at you when you don’t want them to. It’s a good way to find that inner calm.

Finally Remember — This Is Your Experience

No one else is going to give birth to your baby. No one else knows what it feels like to be you in this moment.

You are the one growing this little life. You are the one who will bring them into the world. You are allowed to shape this journey in a way that feels right to you — whether that’s a calm hospital birth in Aberdeen Maternity, a water birth in Peterhead or Inverurie, a Cesarean birth or anything in between.

So if you take one thing from this episode, let it be this:

You do not need to carry everyone else’s birth baggage. You can let that go. And you can move forward with confidence, clarity, and calm.

Final Words

I hope this episode has helped you feel more empowered.

So next time someone says something that makes you feel wobbly — pause, breathe, and ask yourself:

Is this helpful? Does this support the birth I want?

If not — it doesn’t belong in your bubble.

You’ve got this. And I’m right here cheering you on.

If you want more tools for this kind of mindset support — or you’re curious about how hypnobirthing can help you feel stronger and more grounded — you can check out my classes or get in touch for a chat. I’ll pop all the links in the show notes.

Thanks so much for spending this time with me today — I hope you feel a little lighter, a little stronger, and a little more ready to trust yourself.

(Music)

Thanks for listening, here are 3 points I want you to take away from this episode today:

1 – You don’t have to listen to things which aren’t helpful, it’s ok to set a boundary or walk away.

2 – If you have been around a lot of negativity, or heard a lot of traumatic stories, take some time to top up the positive stories too.

3 – This is your birth and you get to make the choices that are right for you and baby, there’s no need to justify your choices to anyone.

Thanks for listening, head over to the show notes at pregnantinaberdeen.com/episode3 where you’ll find additional free resources and links to the upcoming courses we have.

Thanks again for being here with me today and do get in touch if you have any questions, you can email me [email protected] and I’ll be back very soon with our next episode, in the meantime, have a lovely week.