I was watching some reels on Instagram recently saying opposite things, and as someone who appreciates contract and debate I have enjoyed pondering this question.
One person was talking about how it’s important to consume and listen to only positive birth stories.
A different reel I watched on the same say said that you should listen to negative stories we well because there’s lessons to learn from them.
I think you the true answer is you should do what’s best for you, one of the main reasons people surround themselves with positive stories is because so much of our unconscious programming around birth is very negative. Most of us come to pregnancy with images from movies of people screaming and fearful, we hear things like giving birth is like squeezing a watermelon out your nostril, or about how your body will never be the same again. People tell us ‘don’t be a here, just get the epidural’. It’s no wonder we approach birth with fear.
The idea of learning from a ‘negative’ story is valid too. Although I’m not a fan of the term negative story.
Whether a birth story is positive or negative can be very personal, two people can have almost an identical story on paper, and one will call it a negative experience, or even traumatic and another will call it positive. That’s because a large part of it is how you are supported through it, how you are included and cared for.
A positive birth story does not mean a perfect birth story. It’s about how you feel during and after birth.
I also want to say that all birth stories are valid, I know people who have had wonderful experiences they no longer feel they can share because people have mocked them for not really remembering it correctly, or they have been made to feel boastful. And I know others who feel their traumatic experience isn’t valid because there’s a lot on social media about only listening to positive stories.
My feelings on the matter are that of course all stories are valid and we should be able to talk about them. At the same time if you are pregnant you need to pick what’s right for you.
If you feel you are in a solid position and can deal with hearing a traumatic birth story, that you can separate that his is someone else’s story not what will happen to you then by all means listen on, notice what helped them, or what would have made their experience different (maybe they weren’t told about options, or they didn’t feel like they were part of the decision), and give yourself time to process.
If you don’t feel like it’s going to help you, and in fact is going to increase your fear, tell them you’d love to talk more about their birth after your wee one is here. If you’ve found it tricky to get out of a situation like this take some time to read some positive stories and if you’re doing hypnobirthing having a listen to a fear release track is a great option.
How do you feel about hearing birth stories?